Hi, I'm Goldenbear (also known as "Volcanicdoomfire" or "Lord Willoughby Marmaduke Archibald Franz XIV, but you can call me [insert name here]"). When I was four (or five, I dunno), my folks gave me a copy of the "Thomas Complete Collection", which I used to teach myself to read.
James and the Rainbow
JAMES AND THE RAINBOW - based on "Thomas and the Rainbow"
There had been a storm on the Island of Sodor. The lines and roads were littered by trees, branches and telephone poles.
The Fat Controller came to the sheds. "The lines are blocked by all kinds of rubbish from the storm," he said, "and you all need to do your part to clean up. James, you are to take workmen around the island to fix telephone poles."
"Yes sir!" James cried, and puffed away.
As James steamed into Brendam, he saw something that amazed him.
"Wow," he gasped, looking up at the sky. There stretched an arc of beautiful colours. "It's so pretty! Green and yellow and red and blue . . . Amazing!"
Salty oiled up, pulling the recycling train. "Arr," he grinned. "Thart be a rainbow, laddie. Th' stories say, thart at th' end o' th' rainbow, thar be a pot o' gold." He tooted his horn, and left.
James was thinking. "Imagine what I could do with a pot of gold!" he chuffed. "I'd be the best engine on Sodor! I've got to find it first!" And before his driver could check him, he steamed off eagerly.
But then, as he was coming up the hill, he saw something glinting at the top. "The rainbow!" he exclaimed, and thundered up the hill.
You can imagine his disappointment when James came round the bend and saw the rainbow had suddenly moved towards Maron. "Argh!" James growled, and sped off down the hill. So fast, in fact, that he didn't hear his driver shout "Slow down!"
Up ahead was a signalbox. The signalman was making a cup of tea and had forgotten the points were switched away from the main line. He heard James rumble through, but thought he was still going on his way to Maron. He didn't realise James was running along an old siding.
A telephone pole ahead had been knocked over in the storm. When James' crew saw it, they applied the brakes, but it was too late. James ran into the pole, jerked, and derailed. No one was hurt, but James was unable to move.
There was a line ahead where Percy was chuffing merrily along. "Percy!" James whistled. "Help!"
But Percy did nothing. "He mustn't have heard," James groaned.
James was soon levered back onto the rails, and completed his job without anymore mishaps. But secretly, James was upset he didn’t find the pot of gold.
Then, as James approached Tidmouth, he saw the rainbow had moved behind the sheds. "Ooh!" he exclaimed, and raced over. When he got there, he saw all the engines in the sheds, admiring the rainbow. Then, James realised. "I've found something better than a pot of gold!" he cried. "My friends!" And he puffed over to enjoy the rainbow with all his friends.
Head in the Clouds
Andrew is an electric engine working on the Peel Godred branch line. He and the other three electric engines, Rowan, Phillip and Alexis, are kept pulling trucks of aluminium from the alumni works at one end of the line, and passengers from the other end of the line. Right between the two ends is the exchange siding with the Culdee Fell Railway. Many a time Andrew has looked up at Culdee Fell, and wished that he could run on it up to the sky.
One day, he met Patrick at the exchange siding with some tourists wanting to stay at Summit Hotel. While waiting for his "path", Patrick told Andrew about the time when he was known as No. 6 and had braved a gale to rescue some climbers.
"Did you make it?" Andrew asked.
Patrick laughed. "If I hadn't, you wouldn't be talking to me now," he chuckled. "Well, it wasn't a picnic, I'll tell you that. I was taking the "Truck", the other coaches wouldn’t have stood the gale, and she wasn't happy. Neither was I, but rescue trains have to get through, you know," he finished modestly.
"That sounds so exciting," Andrew said. "Oh, if only I could go on mountains!"
"Well, you're needed at the alumni works now," interrupted his driver. "Come on, let's shunt our coaches, then we can get some trucks."
"Goodbye, Patrick," honked Andrew, and tooted away.
A few weeks later, Andrew took Eric to the exchange siding after Boco had shunted his truck at Killdane. Eric was a friendly engine, and the two talked about their railways all the way during the trip.
"You've got to be careful if you're going to work a mountain railway," Eric said wisely. "Culdee once told me, one of the engines, Godred, held too much trust in his automatic brakes, and then, hey presto, he falls off the mountain. Funnily enough, he only used to tell the engines that were in trouble."
They soon reached the exchange siding, and Eric was lifted onto his own rails. He was quickly checked over, and then steamed and started. "Peep peep, goodbye," he whistled cheerfully.
Autumn soon came, bringing strong winds with it. The Culdee Fell engines seemed to be nervous on windy days. Once or twice a gale whipped up, and when tourists staying at Summit Hotel came back down to be pulled home, they looked relieved.
One stormy Friday, a call came from the Culdee Fell sheds asking the Peel Godred branch to send an engine with a coach to the exchange siding for an hotel porter who had fallen down a staircase and broken his arm. Andrew set off gamely, wondering what it must be like to brave the wind on the mountain.
Andrew arrived at the exchange siding. The porter was carried carefully into the coach, and Andrew quickly tooted away.
Harold was waiting at Killdane to take the porter to hospital. "Hello, Andrew," he said. "I say, it's not really the time to be flying around, eh?"
"What do you mean?" asked Andrew.
"Well, one often experience turbulence," Harold explained. "It can be scary to those not used to flying, but if you've flown as much as I have, you hardly notice it. Those engines on the Culdee Fell Railway, they're used to strong winds too. Has Patrick told about the time ? . . . He has, you say? Well, be thankful you're not a mountain engine." And with that, his great arms whirred around until they were a blur, and he hovered away.
Andrew thought about what Patrick, Eric and Harold had said, and now he fully appreciates his own rails, with the familiar electric wires running overhead. But he still wishes he could be a mountain engine, just for a day.
There are two types of engines on the Fat Controller's Railway. There are steam engines and diesel engines, like Salty at the Docks, Mavis at the Quarry and Diesel in the Yard. But sometimes, the Fat Controller borrows diesels from the mainland to help his engines with their work
One day, James, Donald and Thomas were resting at Tidmouth Sheds when Diesel arrived with another diesel. This diesel was long and blue, and had two cabs. The engines wondered if the diesel was friendly. He wasn't.
As soon as the diesel saw he was to share the shed with steam engines, he came to a halt.
"Why on earth does your controller keep stinky steam engines on his railway?" he snorted. "On my railway, steam engines are not allowed on the main line without special permission." And he refused to come any closer.
The engines were most offended by the visitor. Even Diesel turned red with fury.
"How dare he!" fumed Thomas.
"Ah hope it's cauld outside tonight!" wheezed Donald. "If we're loocky, he won't be able t' start in th' moorning!"
"Who'd care if he couldn't?" agreed James. "Who cares about an old stuck-up like him anyway?"
The next morning, no one came near Old Stuck-Up at all, but he didn't care. He purred quietly. "Ah," he hummed. "Finally, peace and quiet."
At last, it was time for Old Stuck-Up to go home. He oiled along as he thought of what he would tell his friends about the engines.
As Old Stuck-Up approached Gordon's Hill, he saw Gordon whistling for a back engine. "Ha ha," he sneered. "I'll show this stinky steamie how we do things." And he tooted up the hill as fast as he could. At last, he reached the top.
"That showed him," Old Stuck-Up thought, and raced down the other side.
Suddenly, Old Stuck-Up saw Douglas in front of him with a goods train. "Uh-oh," said Old Stuck-Up, and tried to apply his brakes, but he was going too fast.
Coal and stone flew everywhere. Douglas ground to a halt as his trucks were smashed to pieces. "Ow," moaned Old Stuck-Up.
Harvey and Rocky cleared up the mess, and the Fat Controller spoke sternly to Old Stuck-Up. "You have caused confusion and delay!" he boomed. "You can be sure that once you are mended, you shall not come back!"
"Yes sir," said Old Stuck-Up sheepishly.
James buffered up behind Old Stuck-Up, and pushed him to the fitters yard. Old Stuck-Up was silent for the whole journey.
Old Stuck-Up was at the fitters yard for a long time. The weather became very cold. It was so cold that snow couldn't fall from the grey sky.
One day, James took the Express. At Vicarstown James' fireman re-filled his tank with icy water. "Better make the most of it now, old boy," he said. "Goodness knows when we'll get some more."
While James' tank was being re-filled, the fireman was called away and only returned when James' tank was almost overflowing. The stand-pipe was quickly turned off and James set off.
James was making good time when he mysteriously felt thirsty. "Oh," he groaned. "I need a drink."
The driver turned his injector, but nothing happened. The fireman tried. Nothing happened.
James ground to a halt. "I feel so sore," he groaned.
"Your pipes must be blocked," said his driver. "I'll telephone for help."
Only one engine was available to help James. Can you guess who it was? Yes, it was Old Stuck-Up. When James heard him coming, he was cross.
"Me, rescued by Old Stuck-Up?" he snorted. "I'd rather freeze out here!" But there was nothing he could do.
Old Stuck-Up buffered up behind and pushed with all his might. The train groaned forward, and soon they were running smoothly. They reached Knapford just in time.
The Fat Controller was waiting. "Well done," he said to Old Stuck-Up. "Maybe you don't need to be sent away after all. You have proved to me you are a Really Useful Engine."
That night, Old Stuck-Up apologised to James and the others. "I'm sorry I made fun of you all," he said sheepishly. "Steam engines are just as good as diesels, I suppose."
"And we're sorry we said mean things to you," James said. "It doesn't matter whether we're a steamie or a diesel, because we can all be Really Useful."
If a lightbulb broke on Sodor . . .
- Thomas would be told to collect the new lightbulb, or the children would be sad
- Edward would call lightbulbs new-fangled nonsense and ask for an oil lantern
- Henry would get burnt by the lightbulb
- Gordon would refuse to go a tank engine's job
- James would boast he would be brighter than the new lightbulb
- Percy would ask "What's a lightbulb?"
- Toby would worry he would be chosen to get the new lightbulb
- Duck would tell everyone to change the lightbulb "the Great Western way"
- Emily would boss the person installing the new lightbulb
- Oliver would break the old lightbulb
- Bertie would have a race with Thomas to get the new lightbulb
- Bill and Ben would argue over who would change the lightbulb
- Diesel would tell Thomas he couldn't do a diesel's job
- Arry and Bert would say the old lightbulb is stinky
- Salty would tell everyone a story about a lightbulb
- Harvey would pick up the old lightbulb
- Fergus would tell everyone to "do it right"
- Arthur would drop the lightbulb and lose his spotless record (again)
- Murdoch would get annoyed by all the talk about the lightbulb
- Molly would try to make the truck with the lightbulb look important
- Rocky would ask to help with the new lightbulb
- Rosie would fall in love with the new lightbulb
- Hank would call the lightbulb the "finest little light-bulb he'd ever seen"
- Skarloey would be afraid of the lightbulb
- Duncan would deliver the lightbulb and have an accident
Thomas and Friends: PC
- Daisy Gets it Off: Daisy is cross that she can't get off her make-up. The Fat Controller has the make-up taken off. Daisy is happy.
- Thomas and Desmond: Thomas calls a Jamaican engine named Desmond rude things. Thomas gets into trouble. Desmond saves him.
- Diesel = Cartman
- Peter Sam = Kyle
- Thomas = Stan
- James = Kenny
- Percy = Butters
- Mavis = Wendy
- BoCo = Chef
- Daisy = Mrs. Broflovski
- Emily = Ms. Cartman
- Whiff = Mr. Garrison
- Edward = Mr. Mackey
- Skarloey and Rheneas = Terrance and Philip
- Henry = Peter
- Emily = Lois
- Percy = Chris
- Daisy = Meg
- Diesel = Stewie
- Duck = Brian
- Spencer = Joe
- Harvey = Cleveland
- Whiff = Mort
- Edward = Herbert
- Henry = Homer
- Emily = Marge
- Thomas = Bart
- Rosie = Lisa, Lurleen Lumpkin
- Duke = Grandpa
- Mavis = Mona
- James = Lenny
- Percy = Barney
- Oliver = Moe, Rafael the sarcastic guy
- Hiro = Apu, Akira
- Rheneas = Flanders
- Duncan = Snake
- Peter Sam = Milhouse
- Sir Handel = Nelson
- Bill and Ben = Sherri and Terri
- Molly = Agnes Skinner
- Stanley = Krusty
- The Diesel = Sideshow Bob
- Gordon = Rainier Wolfcastle
- 'Arry and Bert = Fat Tony
- Diesel = Mr. Burns, Comic Book Guy
- BoCo = Dr. Hibbert
- Harvey = Chief Wiggum, Mayor Quimby
- The policeman = Eddie
- Salty = Captain McAllister (the sea captain)
- Edward = Principal Skinner
- Skarloey = Mrs. Krabappel
- Donald and Douglas = Groundskeeper Willie
- Rusty = Judge Constance Harm
- Duck = Reverend Lovejoy
- Whiff = Professor Frink
- Freddie = the old Jewish man